I received a comment tonight that irked me at the time and is increasingly bothering me the more I think about it. I know - stop thinking about it, right? But where's the fun in that? haha
Anyway, I was at Lacie's school on PTA business (grumble, grumble) and was talking to one of the teachers at that school. I had told her I was 'expecting,' and after giving me all her excited congratulatory wishes she then said, "Now, this [pointing to my kids] is your job, though, right? You're a full-time mom?"
I nodded, "Yes."
"Wow," she replied. "You're so lucky."
Hmmm.
I'm going to go ahead and assume that she was just implying her approval over the awesomeness of being a mom.
...
I am lucky. Or rather, blessed. I've been blessed with a very good life in the greatest country, born into an LDS family, raised in the Gospel, had the best of friends, was given all sorts of incredible opportunities, and got to study at 3 universities. I got in a lot of "life experience" before meeting my soul mate, getting married in the temple and now having 3.5 kids.
Yes, I have been blessed.
Incredibly blessed.
Non-believers may choose to use the term "lucky." Fine.
BUT,
I'm not lucky because some magic fairy waved a wand and poofed me a wonderful life.
No magic conjured up the music experiences & opportunities I had growing up. No, no. That was came from years of blood, sweat and tears, baby.
No magic conjured up scholarships for me. I had to win those.
No magic conjured up a temple recommend for me. I had to earn that.
No magic conjured up my relationship with Mark. We put in 2 years of dating for it!
And no magic conjured up my kids. I have the stretch marks to prove that.
And no magic poofed me a carefree life where I could sit idly at home "not working" because we're lucky enough to be able to make it on one salary.
We CHOSE for me to stay home and we are paying the price for it.
It's a price we believe it is worth, but it is heavy just the same:
there is no luck in our shopping at thrift stores and clearance racks, and receiving hand-me-downs like it's Christmas morning;
there is no luck in our cramming 3 kids in the back of our car because we can't afford a van;
there is no luck in Mark driving an absolute beater car because, again, we can't afford another car;
there is no luck in us never having gone to Disneyland or even Six Flags because it's not in our budget;
there is no luck in us not seeing our families more often because we can't afford the airfare;
there is no luck in our not eating out at restaurants because it's not affordable;
there is no luck in Mark's out-dated wardrobe because he feels too guilty having money spent on him when there are so many other needs;
there is no luck in our taking 4 years at a 14.5% interest rate to "pay off Andrea" because we had no insurance when she was born;
there is no luck in having to tell our kids that we can't afford for them to be in dance, soccer and all the other fun things they see other kids doing;
there is no luck in battling feelings of guilt, helplessness, hopelessness, and utter dependency because I want to spend money but don't have it and can't just go earn it;
there is no luck in the loneliness from lack of adult-interaction;
there is no luck in our mountain of debt;
and there is no luck in having to swallow our pride to ask for assistance because my husband has been out of work for a year and a half and there is no money to buy food.
I get it. It's awesome that I stay home. Not everyone is able to even if they wanted to.
But I'll be danged if you tell me it's based on luck.
March 2023
9 months ago
5 comments:
Amen. This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. I feel guilty about 75% of the time for being at home with Lucy while Skye works two jobs, goes to school full time, we live with my mom, barely make end's meet, depend on the kindness of family for daily needs, and seem to have a growing mountain of debt. I have to count my blessings on a daily basis. Skye had a coworker tell him he was a fool for "letting" his wife stay home when we could have two incomes. Skye told him my job as a mother to our children is more important than any amount I could bring home in a paycheck.
I think you're awesome for making the sacrifices to stay home with your children!
You're right, it has nothing to do with luck. It has everything to do with perspective, understanding and sacrifice.
I always get the comment, "Oh, you have three kids? Wow, you have your hands full!" To which I now reply, "Happily so!"
Keep your chin up and remember that a mother's paycheck comes in the next life :)
You're scaring the baby hungriness right out of me ya know?!
You go girl. Seriously.
I understand. We all make our choices. I could make a lot of money back in the "real world." But, what would the cost be to Rachel and any other children we have? You are doing great!
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