Wednesday, February 22, 2012


They say that confessing is good for the soul. They never say what it does for relationships... Oh well. I figured I'm on a roll and may as well go ahead and clear my conscience.

* When talking on the phone, I hide in the pantry closet so the kids can't find me.

* On the corner of our street there is a Taco Bell, then a field, then the houses start; we're the third house. Some nights when my dinner is especially awful I sneak up to Taco Bell and get their $2 meal deals even after enforcing our "Eat it or Starve" policy to the kids.

* I always drive to Taco Bell.

* I may have "accidentally" once or twice left the cell phone home when going to the store, and then found myself unable to call Mark and consult him on a purchase.

* If I've bought junk food while running errands I try to throw away any evidence in gas station garbage cans before I get home.

* I like eating cookie dough more than cookies because 1) it's awesome, and 2) with cookies, there is always a running count of how many you've eaten. With cookie dough, on the other hand, there's no way to know. I mean, who's to say that huge blob isn't how much goes into one cookie before it gets baked?

* I hate the act of swallowing pills. Sometimes I will walk past and look at my vitamins 12X and still not take them.

* I secretly hope that my 'double' in the play I'm in isn't as good as I am.

* I'm fairly certain that I could grease a car with the oil slick from my hair right now.

* I dread 3:00pm. (when the girls get home from school)

* At Stake Conference we were apparently sitting in the 'Cry Zone' and far enough back that I could barely hear the speaker... so instead of straining to listen I took Jake out to the hall to play with him. Ironically, I could hear better out there.

* I rarely read the 'fine print.'

* I turn the fan on in the bathroom to drown out whatever it is that my kids are trying to tell me through the door.

* More than once I've let the same movie play 3 times in a row because it kept the kids occupied and I could keep napping.

* I will only answer the phone (landline) if I know the phone number or I hear the separate ringtone I can assign to 30 programmable numbers. Even then, it's still 50/50 whether I'll bother.

* I have let the girls skip school because I was too tired to get up and get them there.

* I have done that (see above) more than once. In the same week.

* I make Hyrum give me kisses because he's still little enough that I CAN make him.

* There was a time before Hollywood Videos shut down that I couldn't find a single movie in there that I hadn't seen that wasn't porn, horror or rated R.

* Yesterday I fed my kid a chocolate doughnut for breakfast to keep him from squealing on me.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


I have found my Kryptonite. Naturally it's food, but particularly the chocolate covered cake doughnut.

Combine it with a late night sorting receipts and a Taylor Lautner movie and I devoured 11 in under 24 hours.

Let's just let that sink in for a moment.

One. Two. that was good. Three. ooooh, yum. Four. I shouldn't, Five. have I already eaten Six? where did Seven go? might as well Eight. holy cow, I can't stop now Nine. are you kidding me - Ten.
get rid of the evidence: Eleven.
(Twelve was given away when I got busted by my 3-yr old.)

Dang. I need help.